Farnworth Grammar School

The fortunate ones

(Anon).

Here's one of those things that circulate around the internet from time to time. I imagine it started life in the United States (as many of these things do) but has since been Anglicised — by a Northerner, judging by the reference to 'parkin, barm cakes, jam butties and chips'. It has no direct relevance to FGS but may set a few heads nodding in agreement.

The Fortunate Ones

According to the tenets of today's society, many of us who were children in the 30s, 40s and 50s should never have survived.

• When we were babies our cots were covered with lead-based paint and, as we grew older, most of our fizzy drinks were brewed and bottled in scruffy sheds.
• We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles; no childproof locks on doors, and when we rode our bikes we wore neither helmets nor elbow-pads.
• When we rode in cars they had neither seat belts nor airbags; we leapt on and off moving buses and trams, and rode down the street clinging to the back of the coalman's lorry.
• We ate parkin, barm cakes, jam butties and chips by the hundredweight and washed it all down with dubious drinks named Sarsaparilla or Dandelion & Burdock, without stopping to consider what their ingredients might be.
• We then shared our bottle with our equally unsanitary friends, without benefit of glass or cup.
• We spent hours building contraptions out of scrap wood and pram wheels and then belted off down the nearest hill, only to find that we couldn't stop the thing with the stick we'd nailed on as a brake.
• We didn't need parents to protect us as we walked to and from school. During the holidays we went out to play after breakfast and stayed out until the street lights came on. No harm came to us.
• We played football, cricket or rounders, and sometimes a bat or ball would really hurt. We fell out of trees, acquired scrapes, cuts & bruises and broke our arms, legs, noses and teeth. But our parents would never have dreamed of suing anyone — such mishaps were held to be either accidental or our own silly fault.
• We won or lost our fights without resorting to broken bottles, knives or guns.
• Teams were picked and not everyone got to play. Those who failed to make it did not demand compensation or counselling.
• The idea that a parent would take our side if we fell foul of a teacher was absurd. Our parents (most of us had two) were more likely to deliver a swift clip around the ear than to storm off to school and punch the teacher.
• In fact, a swift clip around the ear was the recognised and effective treatment for what is now known as Attention Deficit Syndrome (ADS). Frequently just a single application effected an immediate cure.